...right where we left off

A few weekends ago, I hung out with some college buddies of mine from all over the US. I have not laughed that hard in a long time. When you get all of us in the same room we will pretty much be one constant laugh for hours. Also because for some reason when you get together with people like that, it is almost as if nothing has changed. We laughed at stories that were funny 10 years ago and for some reason are still funny now. The great thing about longstanding friendships is that you “pick up right where you left off” as they say (whoever they is).

But though it felt like nothing had changed we recognized pretty quickly that a few things had changed. One of the funnier experiences was 6 of us going to the grocery store to get food for our condo. We walked in talking big about how we were going to get queso, chips, eggs, and other manfood for our weekend. But as we started going down the aisles, it was funny what rose to the top. Coffee was of utmost importance for the mornings. I don’t know that any of us drank coffee in college (except for when we were staying up late to study). On the soft drink aisle one guy grabs a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper. But then basically through the conversation it comes out that only 1 of the guys still drinks fully loaded DP, but that we all like Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper. Then we go to grab some milk for our cereal and we begin to debate over whole milk, 2%, 1% or even skim milk. It turns out that none of us drink good ol’ fashioned college Vitamin D milk anymore. We voted and 1% won. Our college selves were laughing at us and callling us lame.

But it got me thinking about community. We as a ministry talk a lot about community. We talk about being known and knowing and giving to and receiving from the community. That community of 9 guys is one of the easiest communities for me to relate to – we have history, inside jokes, stories, embarrassing moments, nicknames, shared difficulties, etc. Everyone said that you will make your best friends in college and to one degree that is true. But there is this fantasy that we are all going to live in the same city, raise our kids together, and laugh every week about old college stories. That isn't happening.

No one warned me that that my friendships would change so much. I think something that hinders us from jumping into new community is holding dearly to the college buddies or your friends from your last city, or your old neighbors and not letting new community be formed. We forget sometimes that it takes 4+ years to build those relationships. For those of us who have experienced so much change in friendships, we are tempted to be skeptical of ever finding lasting friendships. Recognizing how much community changes could easily lead me to not engage with new friends knowing that they will either be called to the mission field, get transferred, have a baby, decide to go to grad school in the UK, etc.

I am beginning to see the importance of seasons of friendships. That sounds like heresy to a college student. That doesn’t mean that I am still not great friends with those 9 guys. But for this season none of those 9 guys are in my everyday life (only 1 has met my baby). None of those guys live in my city or are my accountability partner, or are grabbing Magnolia pancakes with me on a regular basis. But if my college buddies had hindered me from engaging in new friendships, I wouldn’t have some of my best friends right now. I am very thankful for my friends that I have made in this season of life while in Austin. They have been some of the best encouragers, listeners, partners in ministry, and people to laugh really hard with.

I think we have to be disciplined to dive into community and recognize what a provision these friends are even if it is only for a season. Who knows maybe when I am in my 50s, I will have 4 different reunion weekends that I go to. My college buddies, my Dallas Seminary buddies, my Austin buddies, my... buddies, etc, etc, etc. What a full life of relationships and community that would be!