A few weekends ago, I hung out with some college buddies of mine from all over the US. I have not laughed that hard in a long time. When you get all of us in the same room we will pretty much be one constant laugh for hours. Also because for some reason when you get together with people like that, it is almost as if nothing has changed. We laughed at stories that were funny 10 years ago and for some reason are still funny now. The great thing about longstanding friendships is that you “pick up right where you left off” as they say (whoever they is).
But though it felt like nothing had changed we recognized pretty quickly that a few things had changed. One of the funnier experiences was 6 of us going to the grocery store to get food for our condo. We walked in talking big about how we were going to get queso, chips, eggs, and other manfood for our weekend. But as we started going down the aisles, it was funny what rose to the top. Coffee was of utmost importance for the mornings. I don’t know that any of us drank coffee in college (except for when we were staying up late to study). On the soft drink aisle one guy grabs a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper. But then basically through the conversation it comes out that only 1 of the guys still drinks fully loaded DP, but that we all like Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper. Then we go to grab some milk for our cereal and we begin to debate over whole milk, 2%, 1% or even skim milk. It turns out that none of us drink good ol’ fashioned college Vitamin D milk anymore. We voted and 1% won. Our college selves were laughing at us and callling us lame.
But it got me thinking about community. We as a ministry talk a lot about community. We talk about being known and knowing and giving to and receiving from the community. That community of 9 guys is one of the easiest communities for me to relate to – we have history, inside jokes, stories, embarrassing moments, nicknames, shared difficulties, etc. Everyone said that you will make your best friends in college and to one degree that is true. But there is this fantasy that we are all going to live in the same city, raise our kids together, and laugh every week about old college stories. That isn't happening.
No one warned me that that my friendships would change so much. I think something that hinders us from jumping into new community is holding dearly to the college buddies or your friends from your last city, or your old neighbors and not letting new community be formed. We forget sometimes that it takes 4+ years to build those relationships. For those of us who have experienced so much change in friendships, we are tempted to be skeptical of ever finding lasting friendships. Recognizing how much community changes could easily lead me to not engage with new friends knowing that they will either be called to the mission field, get transferred, have a baby, decide to go to grad school in the UK, etc.
I am beginning to see the importance of seasons of friendships. That sounds like heresy to a college student. That doesn’t mean that I am still not great friends with those 9 guys. But for this season none of those 9 guys are in my everyday life (only 1 has met my baby). None of those guys live in my city or are my accountability partner, or are grabbing Magnolia pancakes with me on a regular basis. But if my college buddies had hindered me from engaging in new friendships, I wouldn’t have some of my best friends right now. I am very thankful for my friends that I have made in this season of life while in Austin. They have been some of the best encouragers, listeners, partners in ministry, and people to laugh really hard with.
I think we have to be disciplined to dive into community and recognize what a provision these friends are even if it is only for a season. Who knows maybe when I am in my 50s, I will have 4 different reunion weekends that I go to. My college buddies, my Dallas Seminary buddies, my Austin buddies, my... buddies, etc, etc, etc. What a full life of relationships and community that would be!
Monday, March 26, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
March Madness and Redefining Normal
Ahh… My favorite time of the year: the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament - March Madness. This Thursday night and Friday night I will likely stay up late watching the cinderella upsets and last minute shots. One of the time-honored traditions during March Madness is filling out the brackets for the tournament before the games start. Now I have been a basketball fan for my whole life, and for some reason have always been really bad at picking these games. In high school a girl picked the teams based on her favorite colors and won our “pool.” Needless to say, we made the rule "no girls" the next year. Last year I came in dead last in our staff's bracket challenge. But for some reason every year I still fill out the bracket and expect to pick all the right 12-5 upsets.
Tonight I filled out a few of my brackets and I realized how much easier it is now than the manual way we used to do it. I remember (in my day) buying a newspaper to cut out the bracket and then making copies of it for my friends. I almost forgot how we did that before the internet. That got me thinking about how technology has changed our view of normal.
How did we get maps to events? How did we find phone numbers? How did we check sports scores? How did we write our musings so everyone could read them? How did we know who was calling us when the phone rang? How did we alert everyone that we were moving to another city or that we had a baby? What did we do before cell phones? Now if I leave the house to run one errand without my cell phone – I think I am really living on the edge. Do you remember calling someone’s house and just letting it ring? If they weren’t there you weren’t frustrated; you just called later. And if you did that now, people would think you were stalking them with 7 missed calls from you and no message. Weird uh? The only reason that you didn’t answer the phone was if you were grounded from it. Now we give the “look off” when we look and decide if we have enough time to answer that call…. I mean some people do that – not me!!!. So I was wondering what else is obsolete now. What else seemed normal before technology and now would be weird? And do you think that technology has made us more connected or less connected? Thoughts?
Tonight I filled out a few of my brackets and I realized how much easier it is now than the manual way we used to do it. I remember (in my day) buying a newspaper to cut out the bracket and then making copies of it for my friends. I almost forgot how we did that before the internet. That got me thinking about how technology has changed our view of normal.
How did we get maps to events? How did we find phone numbers? How did we check sports scores? How did we write our musings so everyone could read them? How did we know who was calling us when the phone rang? How did we alert everyone that we were moving to another city or that we had a baby? What did we do before cell phones? Now if I leave the house to run one errand without my cell phone – I think I am really living on the edge. Do you remember calling someone’s house and just letting it ring? If they weren’t there you weren’t frustrated; you just called later. And if you did that now, people would think you were stalking them with 7 missed calls from you and no message. Weird uh? The only reason that you didn’t answer the phone was if you were grounded from it. Now we give the “look off” when we look and decide if we have enough time to answer that call…. I mean some people do that – not me!!!. So I was wondering what else is obsolete now. What else seemed normal before technology and now would be weird? And do you think that technology has made us more connected or less connected? Thoughts?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
soup, bathwater and the baby
Last week I was talking with a friend who told me that he was experiencing great Christian community as a group of friends were meeting simply to eat soup together. It is organic, not contrived, and everyone likes each other. Sounds great, right? But he was growing increasingly frustrated with his soup group. He said that he wanted to continue to experience the community, but also wanted to be challenged to follow Christ more deeply. In fact he said that if anyone were to bring up the bible or prayer Рthat it was simply dismissed as clich̩. The soup group was designed to be organic (not programmed) and focus on community (rather than individualism). But what my friend was experiencing was swinging the pendulum to its extreme. In an effort to be authentic and community focused, they threw the baby out with the bathwater. So there is my cliche, which is really weird because right now as I write my baby is in the bath.... oh well.
I have to be honest that I feel this very same tension as a pastor. There have been a handful of times where I have gone to the hospital to visit someone that I don’t know. A generation ago, that was a huge part of the pastor’s job, but not so much now. I remember feeling almost inauthentic to pray or share a scripture with someone I didn't know. And I remember driving away thinking I was the worst pastor ever for hesitating to pray or share scripture. When we are trying to make correctives (and even helpful ones), we often throw the proverbial baby out too. I am all for throwing the inauthentic, individualistic, programmed water out, but I want to make sure that we don't get to the point where prayer, scripture and spiritual formation become cliche. Because I still believe that is what we are about.
Last week I sat in my community group and watched as one friend truly challenged another friend with scripture in order to be more like Christ. There was nothing cliche about it. He had lived in authentic community for 2 years with him and was able to share truth in a way that no one else could have shared.
There are many things that we need to change about the church, etc, but we should all make sure when we are making correctives, that we don't lose the things that make us distinctively Christian.
I have to be honest that I feel this very same tension as a pastor. There have been a handful of times where I have gone to the hospital to visit someone that I don’t know. A generation ago, that was a huge part of the pastor’s job, but not so much now. I remember feeling almost inauthentic to pray or share a scripture with someone I didn't know. And I remember driving away thinking I was the worst pastor ever for hesitating to pray or share scripture. When we are trying to make correctives (and even helpful ones), we often throw the proverbial baby out too. I am all for throwing the inauthentic, individualistic, programmed water out, but I want to make sure that we don't get to the point where prayer, scripture and spiritual formation become cliche. Because I still believe that is what we are about.
Last week I sat in my community group and watched as one friend truly challenged another friend with scripture in order to be more like Christ. There was nothing cliche about it. He had lived in authentic community for 2 years with him and was able to share truth in a way that no one else could have shared.
There are many things that we need to change about the church, etc, but we should all make sure when we are making correctives, that we don't lose the things that make us distinctively Christian.
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